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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Feeling a twinge of guilt

I have a circle that includes some very good friends who I really enjoy spending time with.  These are my laughing buddies, my drinking buddies, and the people that I trust to take care of my babies when I have to leave them for a couple of days. 

Baba Haha, Boy D and Girl D planned a Best Buds getaway (combined with Girl Ds bday) to Ottawa last Canada Day.  I was not able to join them because the only people that   I trusted to take proper care of Stu were the ones going to Ottawa. This year I don't need a babysitter for Stu, and I feel confident in leaving Sooty with a big bowl of kibble and lots of water for two days.  So I am off to Niagara Falls for a couple of days to celebrate Canada Day and Girl Ds b-day....whoot whoot!!!

I'm really pumped, first non-employed weekend away from home I have had since bros wedding over 2 years ago.  there is a tiny corner of my heart is happy that I don't have the responsibilities of being a BunnyMummy.

I love you Stu, I always will, but mama is going to Niagara Falls.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Vancouver, Hockey, Riots and what comes after

You don't have to actually love hockey, but being Canadian, a natural Canadian undoubted means that you have accepted Hockey as our national sport.  The Media will inform you of all the primary stats of the NHL teams and if you live in a Hockey city, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, Winnipeg, Edmonton, Calgary or Vancouver, your town is gonna go nuts if your team makes the playoffs.

When Vancouver proceeded to the Stanley Cup finals my patriotism soared.  Memories of Olympic Hockey glory that originated  in the same town, stirred feelings of a time of wonderful camaraderie.

We all know that what happened after the Vancouver Canucks were vanquished by the Boston Bruins last night was not glorious.  The reaction inside Rogers Centre was rude, the actions that happened outside were shameful. I am totally aware that the destructive actions perpetrated by a band of hooligans is not a reflection of the majority of the citizens of Vancouver; there can be no doubt that those actions are reflected on the city and its citizens  as a whole, and in fact have come to be a reflection on Canada and Canadians too.  This attitude cant be brushed away with the claim that "it was just a handful of dissidents". The city and the nation has to share this shame as much as we were allowed to share in the glory of a handful of athletes just over a year ago.

During the first games of the playoffs at the Rogers Centre, the singing of the Canadian national anthem was hijacked by the fans.  Today while keeping abreast of the fallout of last nights riots I heard the line "with glowing heart we see the rise" in my heart , when I heard of the call and answer for citizens of Vancouver to show up downtown to help clean the mess left in the wake of destruction.  Bystanders who witnesses the events last night are coming forward and presenting evidence to ensure that the people who perpetrated criminal actions last night will be charged.   Order is being restored and the guilty will be brought to justice, not only by city officials but in large part by the people of Vancouver.

They will not look for media attention and are unlikely to receive near the amount that the hoodlums got, but I think that when the dust settles the quiet perseverance and determination to be good citizens, to be a good city will resonate from Vancouver for the world to know and admire.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Fighting the feeling of a curse

With the hope that posting about the series of bad luck would purge the curse I moved forward after my last post with the intent of moving upward and onward from the dark cloud that I have been living under for the past few weeks.

I was away from home on Saturday night but came home Sunday morning to find one of the backyard kitties, Sooty, and the local Cardinal all showing their own personal disapproval of the empty food dispenser.  After meeting their demands I carried on with my day which I intended to include going for a run and packing my gym bag for Monday.  The priority was to get on top of my yard work. Pull some weeds and fill my two new planters with Rosemary and Marigolds in the hope of protecting my mosquito bait hide.

The plans started to come off the rails when, while pulling the weeds threatening to choke the lavender I noticed the rear passenger tire of the car was flat flat flat.  I dialed CAA to put on the donut with the intention of going to Walmart to buy a new set of tires when I have been making a concentrated effort to stop abusing my credit card.  My distress turned to euphoria when the CAA guy told me that I had a nail in my tire that could be plugged.

But my euphoria would be short lived.  While pulling weeds I noticed one of the new kittens under the step of my back deck.  for a brief second I was thrilled that it was not running from me until I realised that it was not moving.  I don't mean to sound melodramatic but I have put allot of faith in the future of these kittens to restore my ability to appreciate what the world offers up on a daily basis.  This felt like a kick in the teeth.  The poor little creature was dead.  Last week was very hot here but this past week was actually unseasonably cool so it was not heat stroke, there was no sign of any sort of trauma on the kitten.  Absolutely without intent my mind went to the neighbors who want the cats and kittens gone, and I wondered if one of them has put out poison.  I hope it was grief and paranoia that took my mind to such a dark place so quickly.  But for the whole day I seen nothing of the other kittens and I worried about their well being.

Tire repaired I went to the garden centre to get my Marigolds and Rosemary and actually came home with more lavender.  My heart almost leaped out of my chest to find on my doorstep hungry kittens. 

I will do what I can to keep them safe, and if I am blessed they will change from backyard kittens to indoor kittens....if I am blessed.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Reviewing my Posts

I really don't write here as often as I thought I would, I am determined not to use this forum as a place to bitch about the people, or circumstances in life that piss me off...so...I really don't write here as often as I thought I would.

Lately I have been intending to find some time to write about Fathers day.  Its next weekend, I always found picking an appropriate Fathers Day card difficult.  But then I realized that I had already written a post about that.

I have written posts about missing my father, who I love with all of my heart in spite of our non traditional father/daughter relationship.  I have written posts about the heartbreak of loosing Mister, of having to realize that my determination and love were not enough to make his life meaningful.  I cant believe that on July 9 it will be three years he has been gone. I have written of Lily, the sweetest bunny ever who was the doting mate to Mister and then later to Stu. Who days after surgery to remove a stone had her little heart give out in the middle of the night June 22 two years ago.  That was the first year that I didn't have a father to call. I recall a friend attempting to console my fears for her health telling me that nursing her post op would distract me from my loneliness. Then of course it was March 31st last year that Cleo left me for the rainbow bridge, and last month Stu, both who had lived long and happy lives and yet left me heartbroken and devastated.

We know when we take a four footed creature into our lives that in all likelihood we will outlive them but that knowledge does not prepare you for the heartbreak when they leave. While blubbering on a shoulder over the loss of Stu, I jested that I should be an expert at dealing with loss my now. Which of course is not true. There are no experts. Yet for all the heartache and tears it is totally worth the love that I still feel in my heart when I think of Mister grunting for headrubs and pushing Lily out of the way, and of Lily giving kisses, and waiting for pets before giving her man a good bath to wash the human smell off of him, of Cleo in the backyard who would sit patiently basking in all of her blubbery glory in a sunpool until she seen me watching her, and then she would come running to me, waddle swaying looking for pets and kisses, and of Stu who was as different from Mister as two boy buns can be.  He was so polite and well mannered as much as he enjoyed being petted and being fed, he would never never rush to food bowl before it was set down....the only exception being crasins, which would make him positively quiver.

I will continue to love Sooty, she has nobody to be jealous of anymore.  She has moved into Cleos spot at the foot of my bed and expects to be petted the minute that she realizes that I am awake.  Some nights she reverts to her old habits and sleeps downstairs (where she had to sleep in Cleo days) and I find I don't like waking up without her. 

The backyard kitties continue to come around, the task of trapping and fixing them will carry on. The warm weather will hopefully inspire me to go running more that I have been the past couple of weeks, The backyard has begun to beckon, there will be beers and feets planted in cool green grass after the aforementioned runs.  Summer festival season is about to begin, so there will be things to write about that don't come with tears and heartache.